No Good in Goodbye
by ecstaticallygray
Summary: "I'll see you." Her voice catches in her throat. "Soon. I promise." He smiles and even though it is half-wistful and half-pained, it is still striking. He steps onto the ramp of the spaceship and the world opens up between them. The war is over. But she's a queen and he's an emperor and things were never supposed to be that easy. Kaider. Post Winter.
1. Chapter 1

**Hi guys! I'm back with another tlc fic! This story was basically inspired by the sneakpeek of Winter that we got in Fairest. It's about what would happen ****_after_****. It's a popular idea in the tlc fandom that Cinder would just give up her throne and go back to earth with Kai and I disagree with that idea. Very much. Cinder does too. So I wrote this angsty Kaider fic where they don't get their happily ever after...yet. I dunno how long this is going to be but it's still on the shorter side. Minimum three chapters, maximum five. Chapter two should be up ****relatively fast. I hope you enjoy! **

**Warning: Major Kaider feels! And ANGST.**

* * *

They were tired, they were exhausted out of their brains, they were dead on their feet, but their lips were still stretched into delirious smiles.

"We did it." Kai said, cupping his hands around her cheeks and leaning his forehead against hers until their noses were but a millimeter apart. "We did it. It's over."

She closed her eyes, breathing him in; the dusky smell of expensive clothes that had lost their newness; the soft hint of the generic soap he had used to wash his hair. Her hands drifted to his chest, flat against the starchy material of his shirt and warm against the heat of his closeness. She breathed out shakily; she could die in this moment. She could lose herself in him and never return. She could flit herself into the cocoon of his arms and stay there forever. Her hands drifted to his cheeks, brushing against the stubbly skin like she was admiring the texture of a painting, the tips of her fingers falling along his jaw with a reverence that he had never seen in her eyes before.

"Yes." she whispered, gazing into his irises. They were too brown. Too alive for her heart to hold. "We did it."

The words seemed to hit them both with a finality. A realization. Levana was defeated. The Earth had been saved. They were safe now. No running. No grasping for time. No stolen moments. They basked in the revelation. They reveled in it.

And then they were falling together. Lips on lips. Hands on cheeks, fingers twisted around necks, teeth nibbling on skin. They were lost in a cloudy haze of desperation and relief and love and something that tugged at their hearts a little too forcefully, reminding them to take what they could get, reminding them to have this while it lasted. There was an exhilaration in finally being alone, finally out of the scrutinizing eye of the world around them and finally free of the burden they had both been laden with. As his lips trailed along her neck, he felt a little like the barely twenty year old guy he was supposed to be. With his eyes closed and his breath heady, he could picture the world around them slowly falling apart, their immiscible lives meshing together and disintegrating at their feet.

Seemingly hours later, when he sat collapsed against the wall and she had taken place in the space between his legs, he dropped his face in the crook of her neck and took a deep breath. She curled herself against him, her lips still swollen, her eyes wild and alive even through the exhaustion that seeped through both of their bones. It felt so normal, sitting there with her practically in his lap as her metal hand gently played with the collar of his shirt. He imagined that it would be like this now. It would be like this from now until forever, as long as she would let him. He felt his chest well up with something, something that was so bright and warm and overwhelming, he felt like it would burst out of his chest with the force of a thousand starbursts.

"Come back to Earth with me." he said. His fingers traced the slight impression of her collarbones, lightly drumming on her rusty skin. "You'll be a hero. Come back with me."

She sat up abruptly in his arms like he had shaken her out of some dream. And it had been. This time with him, this abandon she had momentarily felt, it was constructed out of shards of dreams that she had compelled into existence. The shards burst around her like broken glass, the remnants of her dreams falling to the floor around her in glittering pieces of a reality that wasn't meant to be.

"I can't." she said.

"You can." he insisted, wild on hope. "You did it –no, _we_ did it- I'll issue a formal nationwide pardon and we will go back together-"

She sat up straighter, slipping out of his arms, "No, Kai, stop, I can't." The lazy euphoria that had settled between them vanished, replaced by the all too familiar heaviness that squeezed at their chests. "I can't go back. I didn't fight this hard for a throne just to throw it away, just to hand it over to the next tyrant itching to take Levana's place."

"You can't replace her until you're eighteen." Kai reminded her, floundering for possibilities. "The court will have to elect a reagent until then anyway."

She gave him a wry smile, sprinkled with an edge of bitterness. "And I'll be there." she said ominously, fiddling with the sleeve of her jacket. "To remind the reagent that I will not be made to disappear a second time." She looked up and directly into his eyes, "It's my throne Kai. I will not abandon it in the wild hope of acceptance from the people who have never wanted me, who will never want me."

"That's not true." he argued. "Just because you were wronged once doesn't mean it will happen again."

She turned away from him and suddenly stood up. Her good hand shook and she clenched it into a fist, "Don't you get it, Kai?" she asked, facing him with blazing eyes, "Even if I somehow manage to evade the hundreds of year old, deeply ingrained prejudice against cyborgs, I'm still _Lunar_. I'm still decidedly in the non-human category. I belong here, Kai, with others like me. I belong in Luna."

He stood up too, her passionate words resounding in his head with a dull ache. "You belong with me."

She turned her back on him, wrapping her arms around herself in a protective gesture that he had seen her take many times before. He couldn't believe that just moments ago, they had been enveloped in the throes of bliss, high on the feeling of just being together. How could they have forgotten that the world was still hanging over their heads?

"I'm not asking you to give up your throne." she said. Her voice was suddenly different, cold and unfeeling as compared to inferno that had been blazing inside of her just moments before. She had never used that tone with him, had never felt like she had to detach herself from the world just so she could summon up the courage to speak, "Don't ask me to give up mine when you won't do the same."

The words hit him like a blow to the gut, puncturing through his insides, leaving gaping holes behind, "You never wanted a throne." he reminded her, icily. "You never wanted to be queen."

"Do you honestly think that I could go back from this?" she asked, finally turning to face him again. "After everything that's happened, after I've declared my heritage to the world, do you really think that I can just go back to being the lowly old mechanic? Or maybe, I'll go back with you and just be the girlfriend. Lounging off your wealth while you run a country." She saw the stricken look in his eyes and she forced herself to speak more softly. After all, he was just grasping at straws. He just didn't know that she had stopped trying after the first hundred times she had had this conversation with herself. "I'm going to be queen, Kai. I might not have wanted it. I might never have imagined it. But it's the reality and it's the reality we both have to accept."

He opened his mouth to object but then something happened. She watched as the reality finally swept over him; she watched the fight leave his eyes, a spark of amber dissolving into hard brown. "It was supposed to be over." he whispered, "We were supposed to be free."

Her throat rasped. If she had the ability to cry, she would have been bawling right now. She moved closer, resting a palm against his cheek, allowing herself to feel him, to be near him, lest she never got the chance again. "I know." she whispered. "I know."

They don't talk about the issue after that. They don't talk about their inevitable separation. In fact, they avoid it for so long that it's the day of Kai's return to Earth and he's standing in front of a royal spacecraft form Earth that is meant to take him back. She's decked out in a dress the shade of the Lunar sky, standing dutifully by Princess Winter who has been appointed the reagent queen and they're both thinking of ways to say goodbye, ways to tell the other that this was not the end, that this was just an intermission. But they can't form words to express this, especially not in the presence of half the Lunar Court, so he just takes her in his arms and hugs her and pretends that it's enough, that's it's enough to feel her in his arms one last time, that it's enough that he got to spend as much time with her as he did.

"I'll see you." Her voice catches in her throat. "Soon. I promise."

He smiles and even though it is half-wistful and half-pained, it is still striking. He steps onto the ramp of the spaceship and the world opens up between them. Back on Earth, it's still daytime and he can't see the moon. She thinks he's lucky to have half-a-day's reprieve.

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**Review!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Hi guys! Thank you for all the reviews in the first chapter! They meant a lot :) I don't know why, but this was a little hard to write. It kind of feels like word vomit but I'm too lazy to properly edit it. I had a bit of a harder times with the characters in this one so sorry if it's OOC. **

**Just so we're clear, Marissa owns these wonderful characters. But I will take credit for Aliyah and Jamal. **

**Happy reading!**

* * *

Although their separation was painful, they still kept in touch through weekly comms. They shared the frustrations of their jobs with each other; they joked around and they flirted. But they knew that these hour-long conversations were a poor substitute for the real thing, sometimes happening whenever they were both free at the same time, sometimes happening when Cinder was in need of urgent advice, sometimes happening when their jobs got the best of them. But it wasn't the same. They were both acutely aware that it wasn't the same.

He thought of her at the most mundane of times. When one of his androids failed, he considered contacting her through a comm only to find out that she was busy with queenly duties. When she attended the New Year's festival with Winter and Jacin and Thorne, she wondered what it would have felt like to have him there too. It didn't help matters that all their closest friends were blissfully happy and they silently simmered in jealously as they watched the budding relationships, feeling guilty immediately afterwards as if they had personally wronged their friends.

Scarlet and Wolf had returned to France after things had settled down in Court. Although Thorne had been pardoned in the Commonwealth for his services to the two monarchs, he was still very much a wanted fugitive in America and so he traded his time between the Commonwealth and Luna, sometimes with Cress accompanying him and sometimes alone. Cress, who was still a little uncomfortable of the thought of coming back to Luna, stayed at Kai's palace where she had managed to procure some sort of tech-savvy job in the security department. Needless to say, the Emperor would not be getting kidnapped a second time around. And as for Winter and Jacin, they were both sickeningly in love, to the point where Cinder actively avoided them whenever they got too touchy-feely. Since she was the acting queen, Winter had dismissed Jacin from the guard and he was finally perusing his dream of becoming a doctor.

Sometimes when Cinder saw them together, she averted her gaze because it _hurt_. She was still surprised with how happy she was in Luna, how in place she felt even with the Lunar politics in full swing and Lunar elites either falling across her feet or sending her scathing looks. For the first time in her life, she felt like she was in control, despite the fact that many of her actions were still being dictated by a board of directors. But she knew her place now. She knew that a little more than an year later, she would be queen and then she would be the one directing said board. It still scared her out of her mind. But not as much as it used to.

But with her life settling around her –as much as her life could settle while being the future monarch of a country- his absence only seemed more pronounced. A place in her heart that had been occupied only to be dug anew when it was wrenched away all too suddenly. She couldn't get it back but she also didn't know how to move on either. She had never experienced this before. She didn't know how to get someone to like you, how to like someone back, how to treat someone when you liked them. For the first time in her life, boys were paying attention to her –even if the attention was based primarily on her status- but she had no idea how to reciprocate. With him, things had worked like a well-oiled machine but now she was left learning the basic mechanics.

He had it slightly tougher than her, since his country was recovering from the aftereffects of an alien invasion as well as an epidemic and he had barely enough time to blink rather than to mope. Now that he was back, he realized how lonely he had been before and how she had made that loneliness go away. Cress and Thorne's frequent presence made some of the loneliness dissipate but try as they might, they couldn't understand him. Not like she could. The few weeks he had spent in the Rampion suddenly seemed eons away, an excerpt from another life, a life that was difficult but not altogether undesirable.

The next time they met, it was at her coronation and he couldn't believe how much time had passed since he had last seen her. Their time apart had been entirely too long even though the day they had parted was still burned freshly on the back of his eyelids. He had talked to her via comm only last week, when she had called to personally confirm whether he was coming or not. She was alone in her room and as she looked at him through the screen, biting her lip in anticipation, she didn't look like a queen. She looked like an eighteen year old who was worried that someone close to her might not come to her graduation.

He couldn't even pretend like he was considering it. He would have grasped at the slightest chance to see her even though her coronation was only solidifying their situation. Even though it was a reminder that she was a queen and he was an emperor and they could never be together, ever, ever.

But he would do it. He would be there. He would open his wounds anew even though they had barely sealed over. He would content himself to stare at her from afar if it meant that he got to do it with his own eyes instead of through a netscreen.

And this time, he thought, this time it would be a goodbye instead of a I'll-see-you-soon. This time, he would let her go.

* * *

The first time she had worn a dress, she hadn't felt like herself. But she had molded herself into it. She had gotten used to silky feel of overabundant dresses flowing to the floor; she had conditioned herself into not tripping; she had even started to understand what looked good on her and what didn't. So when she stood in front of the full-length mirror, gazing at herself in her coronation gown, she surprisingly didn't feel like an imposter. She felt like herself. She wasn't Selene, the princess who would never be. She wasn't Cinder, the mechanic girl who had crashed the prince's ball. She was both. And that was why she would be queen.

But that didn't necessarily mean that she wasn't freaking out. She was. A lot. And she wasn't prideful enough to admit that part of it was due to the fact that in the matter of hours, she would see him again. It had been somewhat more than a year and a half and sometimes she wondered how she had borne it. But in the time that had past, the constant ache of his absence, which had started with the sharpness of a knife, had blunted slightly, growing fuzzier and foggier and she suspected that today might do nothing except to reignite it, make it return with full force.

But even knowing the probable outcome of the reunion, she couldn't help but look forward to it. She had been afraid that he wouldn't come; they had managed to develop a friendship that worked for both of them, something that was at once easy and comforting and appeasing, and she thought he would be hesitant to ruin it, to step out of the imaginary boundaries that they had both set. So when he said that he was coming, that he wouldn't miss her coronation for the world, her heart had collapsed with relief.

Honestly, she wasn't sure that she could've walked through the ceremony if hadn't made it.

There wasn't much time left before the ceremony and she stood in front of a mirror in her room. She had already been fully prepped and she had asked for a moment alone in her room. She fidgeted with her sleeves, she toyed with the heavily embroidered white and gold fabric of her dress, she adjusted her heavy skirts. A knock sounded on her door and she straightened up, throwing her shoulders back a little.

"Come in." she said.

Jamal, one of her three guards, opened the door, looking slightly apologetic. "I'm sorry to disturb you, Your Highness, but umm… Carswell Thorne is outside your door. He's insisting that I let him in."

A corner of Cinder's lips involuntarily twisted upwards. "Let him in." she said.

Jamal looked a little surprised but he complied nonetheless and a few moments later, no one other than the esteemed Captain was sauntering into her room.

He looked fresh and put-together, wearing nicely matched clothes that should've been above his price range and supporting a hairstyle that told her exactly how much time he had spent in front of the mirror before coming to her quarters. He observed her room critically, "Nice. Spacious, cozy and the view isn't too bad. I wouldn't mind a bigger netscreen though."

As queen, she had been given new quarters that were bigger and in a supposedly more secure part of the palace. "It's big enough." she said, "What are you doing here? I'm surprised Aliyah let you anywhere near my room after last time."

"It's going to take more than that testy thaumaturge to keep me out." He smirked in his usual self-satisfied way. "Besides, I'm here to escort you to the throne room."

She quirked an eyebrow, "Really? Shouldn't you be redirecting this chivalry towards Cress maybe?"

He grinned, "Now that you're going to have all this money, maybe I'm reconsidering."

She rolled her eyes and turned back towards her mirror, taking one last look at herself. Her hair was styled in a way that would look perfect underneath a crown. She turned towards Thorne, "Gloves on or off?"

"Off." he said, immediately.

She nodded and took a deep breath. "Off."

Flexing her metal hand, she turned towards Thorne, "Let's go."

Aliyah fell in step with her as she and Thorne stepped out of her room, a port in her hand that she started to scroll through after she had recertified that Cinder's appearance was perfect. She started to name all the guests that had already been escorted to the throne room and a few last minute arrivals. Cinder told her to check whether Scarlet and Wolf had made it.

"Yes." Aliyah said, keeping up with Cinder without lifting her gaze from the port. "Your earthen friends are here."

Cinder cleared her throat, "And umm…Emperor Kaito, when did he arrive?"

Thorne shot Cinder a look but Aliyah, oblivious to their rather entangled past, answered her without curiosity, "Two hours ago. He is accompanied only by his senior advisor."

Cinder nodded, her stomach an elaborate knot of nerves. "And Winter, where is she?"

Aliyah sent her a look that told Cinder that this was something she should have already known, "She is welcoming the rest of the earthen party."

They stopped a few ways from the throne room and Aliyah once again recited the whole program to her like she hadn't already been instructed a hundred times before. "Do you remember your oath?"

Cinder nodded.

"Do not stutter. You are a queen, not a peasant. The ceremony is being televised to the outer sectors as well so be sure that you always look forwards. The people in there are your subjects, treat them like it."

Cinder nodded again.

Finally, Aliyah's face softened into something that Cinder could only assume was affection. She was beautiful, even without the glamor she had been in a habit of using before Cinder had advised her not too. She wore the traditional white of the Head Thaumaturge, her gold-spun hair falling to her waist in elegant waves. She gave Cinder's arm the gentlest of squeezes, a thin crack in her usually stone-cold façade. "Good luck, Your Highness."

Cinder gave her a tiny smile. One of her hands reached blindly for Thorne, "I can't believe I'm doing this."

"You don't exactly have a choice." Thorne commented. She shot him a look and he turned more somber, his expression melting into one of genuine conviction. He took her elbow and turned her to face him, "You can do this, Cinder. You're a natural leader. I might be the Captain, but everyone in the Rampion knew who was really pulling the strings."

Anxiety still wreaking havoc in her stomach, she reached forwards and hugged him, even though there was a slight chance that she might have ruined her meticulous appearance, "When did you become so gallant?"

"When did you become so queenly?"

She took in a deep breath. Someone gave her a signal. She stepped into the throne room.

The ceremony itself was gaudy and extravagant and the whole city had arrived to witness the coronation of the new queen. As she walked down the aisle that led to her throne, her breath stuttered in her chest and everything around her receded into the background, leaching off color and contorting into a translucent kind of existence. She fixed her eyes on the large, dominating throne at the end of the aisle and focused on making the arduous journey of a few more steps. When she reached the raised platform, she knelt in front of the large audience, her dress spreading around her in a halo of white and gold. Her mouth formed the words of the oath almost mechanically, but in the absolute silence of the throne room, her voice resounded loudly and clearly. She spotted Kai in the audience and almost imperceptibly, he gave her a slight nod. She thought about Queen Channary kneeling in the same place, repeating the same words.

The last sentence of the oath fell from her mouth and the world crumpled back into color, all the air in Artemisia whooshing back inside of her in one big breath. Winter placed a crown on her head. She rose and everyone else fell to their knees.

Kai was one of the first people that came to congratulate her, along with the Lunar elites and the rest of the people from Earth -two prime ministers and a queen. He stepped up to her after one of the prime ministers had offered his congratulations and gave her a polite yet knowing smile. With a slight incline of his head, he offered her a hand, "I and the people of the Commonwealth offer you our congratulations, Your Majesty. May you live to see a long and prosperous reign."

Her heart failed and then kick-started back to life. Her hand gave a small tremor in his and she gazed at him with large eyes. "Thank you." she managed with perfect politeness. She was aware of Aliyah standing by her left and Winter standing by her right and Konn Torin standing a single pace behind Kai. "I'm glad you decided to accept my invitation, Emperor Kaito."

"I wouldn't have missed it." he said, looking at her with a gaze that was too honest. She shivered underneath it. She hadn't seen him in so long, every nerve-ending on her skin was aware of their close proximity even with the more than respectable distance between them.

Winter, who was watching the whole exchange with a touch of amusement, added, "A friend of the queen's is always welcome in Luna."

Kai finally lifted his eyes from Cinder and looked at Winter instead, a corner of his lip quirking upwards, "Princess Winter." he said. "I'm glad that the Queen considers me a friend then."

And with that he was stepping aside and some other important person was taking his place. She met with everyone who stepped up to her but she found it a little hard to get her mind back on track.

Finally, when all the important people had been properly entertained, she got a chance to see the crew. Thorne was already making queenly jokes at her expense, one of his hands on Cress's waist and the other nursing a bubbling drink. Cress, dressed in an overabundance of frilly skirts, was sweet and gushing. She had somewhat gotten over her painful memories of Luna and was able to fully enjoy the elaborate and fanciful life of court. Scarlet offered Cinder a hug and she was surprised when even Wolf took her in his arms. "I miss our sparring sessions." he reluctantly admitted.

The ceremony transcended into celebration. There were cries of 'Long live the Queen.' Fireworks lit the night sky. She went through the night in a daze, slightly out of her element. Winter's constant presence by her side was a lifesaver. Occasionally, Cinder would feel her reach for her hand and offer a comforting squeeze. She thought about Adri and Pearl and what they must be thinking of her. She thought about Peony and what she would've said to her if she were here.

When she was moderately alone for the first time that night, Jacin took a place beside her. She was still struck by how different he was from the person she had first met. After he had found out that she was the lost princess, his demeanor had almost completely altered; he was more open and more honest and slightly less sarcastic. It's not because you're my queen, he had said. It's because you used to be family, even if you don't remember it. She didn't remember but he felt like family now anyway.

"I'm going to pass out." she told him. "Where's Winter? She wasn't supposed to leave me."

"You're not going to pass out." he said, in a matter-of-fact tone. "She's entertaining some court family."

He turned to face her, his eyes rising in a small smile as he offered her a bow, "My Queen."

She pushed him lightly, "Stop that. Or else, I'll enlist you in the guard again and make you follow me around court all day."

"Noted," he straightened, still grinning. His smile relaxed into something that was more adoring and pride-filled, "That crown looks better on your head."

"Thanks." she said, one hand unconsciously lifting to her head. The crown was made of a delicately carved silver that was embedded entirely with tiny diamonds, forming a beautifully intricate pattern. "I still want to burn in it in a fire since it touched Levana but it's pretty."

"It's a Lunar relic." Jacin said. "Do not burn it in a fire."

"Looks who's suddenly all patriotic."

"I only live to serve the Queen."

She rolled her eyes but her attention wavered when she suddenly spotted Kai in her peripherals. Her heart seized unexpectedly in her chest. She had barely gotten a good look at him before but now, she drank him in fully. He was conversing with her head thaumaturge, looking perfectly polite and immensely authoritative. She noticed that he was wearing traditional clothes of the Commonwealth and she couldn't help but think that the red and gold of his attire would perfectly compliment the colors of her dress.

Jacin noticed her distraction and smirked, "I see you're still holding a torch for the emperor."

"I'm not." she stated, unconvincingly. Her veins thrummed with want. She remembered what it had felt like to be held by him, to be kissed by him. Would she even be able to talk to him normally without the memories of their time together flitting through her mind?

Jacin was entirely serious when he said, "You should go talk to him. Aliyah is probably boring him with political talk."

"He's an emperor." Cinder reminded him, "Political talk in normal talk for him."

Nevertheless, she squared her shoulders and started to make her way towards him, her heart picking up speed with every step. Jacin offered her one last teasing bow and vanished into the crowd. She was aware of her guards silently trailing behind her but unlike other times, she said nothing. She was intercepted many time along her way by random citizens, some who just wanted to show their admiration, some of them showering her with their gratitude over freeing them from Levana. She spotted Scarlet, who had replaced Aliyah besides Kai but by the time she reached him, she too had vanished.

"Hi." Kai greeted with a smile, like they were meeting for the first time that evening. But the formal greeting they had shared before didn't really count, did it? Heart still thudding erratically in her chest, she appraised him closely and felt him doing the same. He seemed older to her, even though she regularly saw him through their comms. The last remaining hints of boyishness had vanished, replaced by the easy confidence and authority of a ruler.

She suddenly reached forwards and hugged him. It was a very public setting and she was the newly appointed queen but she hadn't seen him for more than a year and she wasn't about to settle with a diplomatic handshake. He hugged her back, just as tightly and when they parted, his lips were quirked in a wistful sort of smile.

"Hey." she said quietly. They stood much closer to each other than was appropriate for two rulers but they were two of the most powerful people of the world, nobody was exactly going to call them out on it.

"Congratulations." he said again, words laced with honesty. He gazed at her with his heart in his eyes. "You're going to be an amazing queen."

She smiled and suppressed the sudden urge to touch him, his face, his hands, anything. "I hope so." she said, instead. She tucked a strand of hair behind her face and suddenly felt a little shy. How was it that she had spent the evening entertaining some of the most powerful people of the world and now, in front of a boy she used to like, she felt unhinged? "I may have to schedule weekly comm sessions so you can give me some tips. How to Rule a Country 101 or something."

He laughed and some part of her sighed internally. Stars, she had missed that laugh. "Don't worry, you'll do okay. No matter what happens, you can't be as bad as Levana, right?"

She grinned. She was too acutely aware of his eyes on her face, watching her with an inexplicable warmth. "Thanks for the consolation. I feel so much better."

"But really," he added, more earnestly, "you have nothing to worry about. Like I said, you're going to be an amazing queen. I know it."

She felt something loosen in her chest, like someone had released the strings to a corset caging her lungs. No matter how many people had told her the same thing, coming from him, the words were much more believable. He was the only one who could say them with good authority, he was the only one who could say them and have them mean something.

More quietly, he asked, "How are you? I remember the day I became officially became emperor. I was scared out of my mind."

She released a long breath, finding it hard to put her feelings to words. But it was comforting to hear about his experiences, so different but probably so similar to her own. She suddenly wanted to escape the party; she wanted to drag him away to some dark corner and pour out her heart. I'm so scared, she wanted to say. I miss you so much, she wanted to tell him. "It's…it's-" she shook her head. "It still feels so unreal, Kai. Half the time, I feel like I'm in a dream. Like this couldn't possibly be my life."

He gave her a tender smile in understanding. "You weren't raised in a palace. Your mind is probably finding it hard to mesh two different parts of your life together."

She nodded, "Life here…. I can't describe it. It took me months to get used to the palace and how they treat me here." She still wasn't entirely used to her status. She sometimes felt like Adri might somehow emerge from the shadows of the palace and tell her reality to the world, that she wasn't meant to be queen, that she wasn't meant to be _anything_. Her throat tightened, "Here…they don't care that I'm cyborg. Of course there are still whispers behind my back -harsh, malicious whispers- but the majority of the people…." Her voice took on a note of awe, "they don't care."

"I'm glad." he said. He hesitated a little, "And I'm glad that you're happy."

"I am." she said. It was only when she had said the words did she realize the double meaning behind them. I am happy here, they seemed to say. I made the right choice.

He caught on. She saw a flicker of sadness flit across his face but he quickly disguised it. He offered her hand, a teasing smile lighting up his face, "Care to dance, Your Majesty?"

"Don't call me that." she said, even as she reluctantly let him take her hand. She was glad that here metal hand didn't come with inbuilt sweat-ducts. "Are you sure you want to? I don't –I don't want to spread any unwanted gossip."

Here in Luna, gossip was flimsy. Because of a long history of promiscuous rulers, no real attention was paid to any suitors she might or might not have. But in Earth, gossip was substantial. She knew that he would lose favor from some of his people if he was to be seen associating too closely with her.

"I want to." he said, "You have no idea how much I want to."

She allowed him to drag her onto the dancefloor and even though she resisted again, they both knew that her heart wasn't really into it. The throng on people on the dancefloor parted for the two monarchs and they took to the music elegantly, even though he wasn't really the dancing type, even though one of her legs was made of metal. She was aware of heads turning in their direction, she was aware of a single beat of silence before activity continued, but she was most acutely aware of his hands in hers.

They didn't talk as they danced; they just enjoyed each other's proximity after being denied of it for so long. They kept a perfectly acceptable amount of distance between them and his hands never strayed from her waist, neither hers from his shoulders. But there was an intimacy in the moment, every touch was filled with meaning, every gaze flowed between them like threads of something fragile yet tangible.

Unfortunately, since she had descended to the dancefloor, she was forced to dance with half the court after the song ended and Kai reluctantly stepped away. A son of some famous courtier stepped in to take his place and even though he was almost unfairly good-looking, Cinder for the life of her couldn't remember his name. She thought of when she would get to see Kai again. The places where Kai's hands had held her still burned under this new guy's touch and it was kind of surprising how impervious she was to the charming smile that he was directing her way.

It was in the early hours of the morning that the celebrations finally came to an end. She saw Wolf hauling a drunk Thorne to his feet, accompanied by a giggly Cress who trailed behind them in a flutter of skirts. Winter and Jacin had already disappeared and with a heavy heart, she realized that Kai was nowhere to be seen. She wondered if he had already retied to his rooms. She wondered if he was touring her palace. Scarlet, who stood beside Cinder, appeared totally sober even though Cinder had seen her down at least three glasses of some clear bubbling liquid in a row.

"How long are you staying?" Cinder asked her. She was tired and she stifled a yawn even as she spoke. The palace started to empty as people slowly trickled out, many of them offering her one last bow, one last display of their adoration. Her three appointed guards maintained their place in Cinder's shadows. Her crown felt heavy on her skull.

Scarlet shrugged. "How long do you want me to stay?"

"As long as you want to." Cinder told her. She knew that Scarlet's memories of court weren't pleasant and she would never wish her friend to stay longer than she desired.

Scarlet nodded. She turned towards Cinder and a smirk lit up her face.

"What?" Cinder asked.

Scarlet snickered before brushing a finger against Cinder's crown and pushing it back into place. Cinder withheld in a groan.

"Better take care of yourself, Your Majesty." Scarlet grinned. "You have a reputation to uphold."

Cinder sighed, leaning backwards against a stone pillar. "Don't I know it."

They chatted quietly for a few minutes. Scarlet told her about how things were going in France and how she and Wolf were thinking of moving closer to the city and renting out the farm.

"Really?" Cinder was surprised. She knew that they both loved that place.

"We're not selling it." Scarlet said. "I'm not selling it, ever. But we thought it'd be nice to get actual jobs. Can't live on manual labor forever."

Cinder nodded in understanding. "What kind of jobs do you have in mind?"

"Wolf was thinking about something security related. Someone in need of a private bodyguard or something like that. But we'd have to do something about his teeth. And have his tattoo removed. Nobody's going to hire him otherwise."

"What about you?" Cinder asked.

"I don't know yet." Scarlet replied. She didn't sound worried, just thoughtful, like she was mentally browsing through a list of professions, thinking about what would suit her best.

"Maybe you can join the police force. You already know how to fire a gun." She offered the other girl a teasing glance, "I'll even write you a recommendation."

Scarlet snorted, "They'll kick me out faster than you can say 'Lunar.'"

The two girls lapsed into a comfortable silence. Cinder yawned again and was about to suggest that they retire for the night when Scarlet asked, "What's gonna happen now that you're queen?" She gave Cinder a meaningful look, "With Kai?"

Cinder sighed. She had no idea what was going to happen. She had a very good idea however, about what was _not_ going to happen. "Nothing. Nothing is going to happen. It's been more than a year. I'm not sure he even has feelings for me anymore."

Scarlet gave her an incredulous look, "Are you kidding? He couldn't keep his eyes off you long enough to talk to me straight. It was killing him to watch you dance with all those courtiers."

Cinder's heart flipped at Scarlet's words but she tried to brush it off with a joke, "Not as much as it was killing me. It was kind of hard to concentrate with my lie detector going haywire every two seconds."

Scarlet gave her a look that told her she knew exactly what Cinder was doing. She didn't drop the topic like Cinder had hoped she would. The more she thought about Kai, the sadder she got. And now that she was queen, she couldn't afford to be sad.

"You're a queen and he's an emperor. I mean, there's got to be a way for you to work this out." Scarlet insisted.

Cinder offered a weak shrug. She stood up straighter and gestured for her friend to follow her. She started to lead Scarlet through the emptying throne room and to one of the parts of the palace she loved best. Scarlet's heels clicked on the mosaic floor as she followed Cinder, her dress trailing behind her in a flare of red. Cinder stopped in front of large glass doors and a guard opened them for her before she could do it herself. She gave the man a small smile and stepped out into the balcony, breathing in a lungful of fresh air. Scarlet stepped in behind her and Cinder heard a small intake of breath.

The floor of the balcony was made of glass and directly underneath them, Artemisia Lake flowed serenely into the night. Earth was high in the sky and the lake gave a weak rippling reflection of its green-blue surface. Some days, the domes of Luna created an artificial night sky but Cinder loved it best when they left it just the way it was. She never tired of looking at the Earth hanging in the sky, misty clouds of white creating mesmerizing patterns on its multicolored surface.

"Wow." Scarlet said, moving forwards to rest her hands against the crystal balustrade that ran around the balcony. Every part of her shown against the starry sky, from her fiery curls to her cherry-red painted fingernails.

"Beautiful, isn't it?" Cinder asked, taking a place beside her. "It's my favorite place in the palace."

"It is." Scarlet said. They both stood silently for a few moments, enjoying the rippling reflection of the water under their feet. Then Scarlet looked up and gazed at Cinder a little thoughtfully, "You're okay here, aren't you? You're happy?"

Cinder took a large breath and then slowly exhaled, remembering her conversation with Kai. "I wasn't at first. But I am. I am now."

Scarlet nodded in a satisfied way, "Good."

* * *

**Give me insights and reviews because I'm needy. **


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